It was world bipolar day like six days ago, and I missed it. Which is kind of apropos consider loss of time is symptom of bipolar. In this post i’m going to do what I always do: get really, uncomfortably, open.
THE BIPOLAR PSA!
Courtesy of: my brain and others.
I think everyone has a general idea of what bipolar is. It’s one of the most stigmatized illnesses out there, though, so that’s not necessarily a good thing.
This is a collective list of symptoms courtesy of the internet, and how I relate to those symptoms.
LETS DIVE IN.
Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, or loss of interest.
Well obviously some douche just found a mood dictionary and wrote down every single one.
Not really though.
Sometimes, you just are sad. You just are mad. There is no reason for the suffering.
That they never used.
Because who outside the circus would use that anyway?
Excess desire for sex sounds AWESOME right? Skip the viagra! But imagine sitting across from someone you loathe, or someone you’ve never met, or someone you find repulsive, and thinking you MUST have sex with them.
And then imagine explaining that desire to your significant other.
I was taking pills I shouldn’t be, I was fighting with my significant other, and all because I had racing thoughts. I guess I’m trying to highlight that because even though racing thoughts doesn’t sound as bad as perhaps delusions or false beliefs of superiority, it is literally one of the most painful experiences of my life.
Are you seeing a pattern here? It’s called bipolar for a reason, the illness is dichotomous in nature, but it’s not an either-or. I think when some people read these symptoms they think “oh, either they’re tired or restless.” Many times these symptoms exist together, and that’s the mindfuck that is bipolar, we exist in a duality.
We can be so tired, but can’t fall asleep. Which brings us down to…
I don’t have much to say about this one, not because it isn’t serious, but because I think it’s self explanatory. I’ve already gone over how you can be both tired and restless
This is sensitive because of the way weight is viewed in society. It’s sensitive to me personally, because of what is generally happening when I lose or gain weight. To be honest, I feel guilty. Like I should be doing more for myself, even though at times I feel if it’s out of my control.
For others, I know weight gain and weight loss are a side effect of meds, which is uncontrollable. For me, it’s controllable, and so I need to work on it.